i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
