so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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