It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
