dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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