Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
