I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
