so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
