I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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