Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
