You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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