a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
