I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
