sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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