trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
