you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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