peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
