Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
