Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
