Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
