so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
