She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
