Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
