apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
