Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
