My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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