I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
