so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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