It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
