he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
