Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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