What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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