Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
