Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We are two peas in an std pod
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
