well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
