Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
