Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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