he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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