Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
are you so shy because you have an std?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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