i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
