My sheets look like a crime scene.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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