I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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