i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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