I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
