Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
