Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
