I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
