He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
