no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
