i don't like sucking hair
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
