do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
