Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
