About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
