Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize