Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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