She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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