i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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