Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
