Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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