four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
