Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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