His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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