you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My vagina is officially offended.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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