Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
