Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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