the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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