You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
