Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
